Dumaguete Bouldering Competition - 2015

I don't even know where to begin. My mind is a mess after peforming poorly in the finals of the second leg of the National Bouldering Competition. I didn't just fail – I flat out sucked. I feel sorry for not being able to perform better despite giving it my best.

Photos by Phil Prins Photography



I crumbled under pressure. There were about two hundred watching at the mall as I climb those walls and the entire time my hand was shaking – like a string that couldn't stop trembling after being plucked.

I went into tunnel vision. I'm not very capable at reading routes but this time I was worse than usual. I tried to draw strength from the excitement of performing in front of a crowd but even that has died out. I wasn't psyched, I was just empty – my mind was blank, my arms were pumped out of gas, and the sole of my shoes felt like they weren't mine.



And then, as I was riding the bus, a realization hit me. I was too eager to please, too confident with my strength, and too exhausted from the lack of sleep and the excitement of being in another town.



But there's something good that came out of it. I got a much needed reality slap. It spurred me into wakefulness, two espresso shots straight up and I'm wide awake with the fact that I still have so much to go. All this while I thought I was at mile ten when I was just in fact in mile two. I haven't gone too far since I have started. The awakening was hard – like falling off the second deck of a bunker. But it was much needed.



I'll take a break from climbing for a few days, spend time with my mother whom I haven't given enough time to, and come back with a renewed sense of self.



Thank you Dumaguete, Cebu Rock Climbing Community, Foundation University, and the parents of JJ, Josh, and Petz.